i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
