I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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