That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
