i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
