2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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