Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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