I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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