Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
