you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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