Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
