Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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