I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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