just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
