I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
