I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
