Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
