is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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