Fuck appropriateness.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
