Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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