This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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