Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
