things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
