when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
