i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
