a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
