About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
