I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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