called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
