i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
