I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
