Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
