tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
whose ass print is on the piano?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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