Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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