Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Buhtt sex?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
