So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
