i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize