He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
