i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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