During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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