well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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