i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
