I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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