Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
