sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
