There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
