He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
