I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
