if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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