Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
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and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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