Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
