I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
