Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
