My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
