actually, I'm a sock model
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
