Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
