yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
