Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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