Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
