um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
