Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
