I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
