he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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