Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
