I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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