One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I didn't shave. On purpose
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We're too hungover to prance.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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