Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
