yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize