When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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